SAD

So, something else had a significant effect on me in the first week of November; the week of the 5th, 2024, a week that will assuredly go down in history. I’ll fall back from all thoughts and feelings about other events of that week until future postings, however. This posting is for another topic, the end of daylight-saving time; also known as the “Fall-Back.”

For years and years of my life, this was an annual event that would just plain make it difficult for me to be content or positive about anything in life for weeks, if not months, or even for the entirety of the fall and winter seasons. I would feel tired all the time and want to sleep more, and it was difficult for me to find the energy to be productive. It was hard to find optimism, so I couldn’t look forward to doing anything. The early darkness each day would make the days seem too short and like they just ran into one another; days were hard to separate. There were strings of days, weeks, and months that would feel like Groundhog Day; one single day recurring on a loop over and over again; mostly in darkness, it felt.

I can recall when it started, even; I was a college student. It was the Fall of 2000; the year I turned 20. I thought something was wrong with me. I thought I must’ve been imagining that having less daylight could have such an effect on me. I kept telling myself I just needed to shake it off; it was all in my head. I was never able to consciously rid myself of the feeling, though. When or if I did get through it each year, it was always a gradual process. At some point before spring, I’d just always realize it had gotten better; like, “hey, I don’t quite feel so depressed anymore.” That realization would always come with a sense of relief; a sense of a brighter, lighter feeling.

For a number of years, I just went on having the challenge each year while almost wholly keeping it to myself. I rarely mentioned the feelings I was experiencing to anyone. I can actually recall the exact people whom I initiated that conversation with because there were only two. I didn’t know how to talk about it; I was too embarrassed, to be honest. I only mentioned it to the two of them because I felt that I needed to explain why I was being so unpleasant. The prevalent sentiment then, at least as I saw it, was that being affected by something you were feeling was within your control; feelings could only affect you if they were allowed.

As I got older and time went on, I started to hear people speak here and there about getting down when time went back every year, and they expressed experiencing some of the same symptoms I’d been experiencing. Before long I started to feel like this thing must be real, and I still didn’t know what it was called, but at least I knew I really wasn’t the only one. A few years ago, I finally looked it up on the source of all factual knowledge that is Google; I wish I could tell you what took me so long, but it finally occurred to me to do that after about 20 years or so.

I self-diagnosed myself with Seasonal Affective Disorder, also referred to as SAD. In the US, around 5% of us are affected by SAD; a number that I actually thought would be higher, given the conversations I’ve had in my lived experience. Per Gemini, SAD symptoms can feel just like regular depression. According to the Cleveland Clinic, symptoms experienced by those affected include moodiness, loss of interest in doing things you usually like, sleeping more during winter, difficulty sleeping, fatigue, and eating more sweets. It’s prompted by the shorter daylight hours of winter and less sunlight.

In order to still be productive, tolerable, and somewhat optimistic or positive about life while experiencing SAD, I have to consciously, deliberately, and diligently work to combat its effects; it’s an everyday chore, and I’m still getting better. I had to put a lot of effort toward identifying what about the change was causing me to be affected so that the cloud of winter that always seemed to follow me would dissipate. In doing so, I also happened to pick up habits and tendencies that have helped me improve my mental health and ability to be productive in general.

The easiest cause to identify, of course, was the matter of less sunlight; so, I made it a point to start taking more advantage of the daylight we actually do have during winter. If nothing else, I started to try to be certain to just step outside a few times a day to spend a few moments allowing the sunshine to hit my face and to take a few deep breaths in the usually brisk air of the season. If you’re able to do this, and this may go for anyone, affected or not, I’d be more than willing to bet you’ll be surprised by how cathartic doing this one simple thing can be. Add a walk, or some type of physical activity and chances are you’ll see even more improvement.

Another challenge was combatting the feeling of not having enough time, and time periods seeming to mesh into one another. This matter requires a bit more active diligence, I’ve found. I had to start planning my days out a night in advance, and during the week (and sometimes even on weekends) I make to-do lists each morning.

This may sound like a compulsion to some, and I can definitely see how for some it could become one. However, what it does for me is make much less time to think less than happy thoughts. I’m focused on the things I need to get done and my time is spent doing them, not being consumed with feeling down. I can also look back on most days and feel accomplishment in the end when I’ve crossed most of the items off my list. The key to success in making this work is ensuring a practical list, however. It’s a practice that can backfire if your list is too ambitious and you’re unable to get all or most of the items marked off.

Another advantage, for me, of list making, is that it also helps me be a better time manager. It affords a busy person like me the ability to be deliberate about dedicating time to things that are cathartic for me or that I enjoy, like writing. After taking such a conscious approach to each day, I found myself feeling much less affected by SAD. By the end of all of this, all I really have energy and time for is sleep, which is also improved by the consistency and stability created by these daily efforts. It also distracts me from the pull of wanting to sleep during the day, or oversleeping; I’m preoccupied thing to thing, and the activity and stimulation keep my energy levels up.

None of this is intended to make anyone reading think that I’ve overcome this challenge, I want to be sure to say. I still have my moments, and for me, the only way to not be completely overcome by the symptoms is to be conscious of continuing to be conscious, as I’ve described, and doing the things I’ve described. This has worked for me, but some may need more help.

I’d like to close with somewhat of a PSA. If you think you may be affected by SAD, the things I’ve mentioned here may be a good starting point on your journey toward improved mental, emotional, and physical health. I would advise against self-diagnosing as I have, though. If you think you’re one of the at least 5% of Americans who deal with this challenge to varying degrees each year, please see a doctor about it if you’re able; and please, please, don’t let fear of embarrassment prevent you from expressing to someone you love and trust that you feel like you may be experiencing symptoms of SAD.